Learn Your Relationship DNA & How It Works
Finally understand why your relationships go the way they do, and what to do so this one works.
- Find out why you keep picking the same kind of person
- See what you do when someone gets close or pulls away
- Know what to look for in the next person, and what to avoid
- Get simple things to do this week, whether you are dating or 20 years in
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- Built on published research
- Complete your report at any time
What changes when youknow your pattern.
Most people blame the last person, or bad luck. This shows you what you bring to every relationship, so you can do something about it.
Know why it keeps happening
Most people think they have bad luck with partners. The report shows you the pattern you bring to every relationship, so you can see it coming next time.
Spot trouble early
If you are dating, you get warning signs for someone like you and three questions to ask early on. If you are with someone, you see where things are most likely to go wrong.
Stop having the same fight
The report shows what you do when you argue, what it costs you, and one simple change that works.
Know what you need, and say it
You find out the two things you cannot do without in a relationship. You also get the words to ask for them.
The four partsof your relationship DNA.
Your report gives you a score for each part, with a chart. Then it shows how the four parts play out together, from first date to break up.
The sciencein plain words.
Thirty years of research on how adults attach to a partner found two things that matter most. How much it gets to you when someone pulls away. And how much space you need. It also found that two scores describe people better than four types. Those two scores make the map in your report. Where they meet is your pattern.
The other three parts are built the same way. Who you go for comes from research on what really attracts people. What you do in a fight comes from research on what couples do when they argue. What you need comes from research on what makes a relationship work. Every finding in your report links to the study it came from.
The two scales
Brennan, K. A., Clark, C. L., & Shaver, P. R. (1998). Self-report measurement of adult attachment: An integrative overview. In Attachment Theory and Close Relationships. Guilford Press. Fraley et al. (2015): why two scores work better than four types
Three of the studies your report draws on. Each one links to the paper.
What is insideyour report.
Every report has seven parts. You get your pattern, a chart for each of the four parts, how they play out together, and what to do next.
- 01Your pattern, with a nameOne of seven patterns, worked out from your two scores. You see it on a map.
- 02When someone gets close, and when they pull awayWhat you do on a normal day, the trap you fall into, and what you are good at.
- 03Who you go forFour things that pull you toward a person, ranked. Which one is choosing for you.
- 04What you do in a fightYour first move, your backup move, and how good you are at making up.
- 05What you need from a partnerSix needs, ranked. How much each one matters, and whether you got it last time.
- 06Your loop, from first date to break upHow the four parts play out together, and the best place to break the cycle.
- 07What to do nextWarning signs, three questions to ask, and a checklist for the next two weeks. Written for where you are now, single or not.
What people say
I wish I had done this ten years ago
I kept dating the same kind of man and it always ended with me doing all the chasing. The report showed me exactly why. Now I know what to look for and what to walk away from.
It described me better than my ex did
My ex always said I was hard to reach. I thought she was being dramatic. This report said the same thing, but it also told me what to do about it. Three small things. I am doing them.
I feel a lot less lost
I got divorced after 22 years and had no idea how to date again. This told me what I need from a person and what to ask on the first few dates. I used the questions last week.
The part about what you need was the bit that got me. Being able to count on someone was top of my list, and I had not had it in years. It explained why I was so tired at the end.
In a fight I push and then I give in. That is me in two words. The tip about asking for a time to talk instead of pushing has stopped two rows already.
Widowed two years. I was not sure I should even take it. It was kind and it was honest. It told me my pattern was a good one to have, and I needed to hear that before I tried again.
Honest about what it is not
It says straight out that your score is not compared with other people yet and that the pattern is not a type. I trust a thing more when it tells me its limits.
The loop section is five short steps. It was my last relationship in five sentences. It said the best place to break it was how I fight, and it was right.
Took it with my partner. She feels every quiet moment and I need my space. The report explained why she thinks I do not care and why I feel crowded. Best talk we have had in years.
Questions people ask
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